If you have been researching different parenting styles, you’ve likely come across all kinds of parenting styles that seem to be named after animals: elephant parenting, panda parenting—the latest trendy parenting style is called koala parenting. Though the term is relatively new, the key characteristics and philosophy behind this parenting approach has been around for decades.
If you think you might be a koala parent—in other words, a parent who is focused on affection, bonding with their baby, and is responsive to your child’s emotions—or you simply want to give this parenting style a try, keep reading. Below parenting experts weigh in on koala parenting including the benefits, downsides, and tips for success.
What Is Koala Parenting?
Many people equate koala parenting with attachment parenting, which was coined by William Sears, MD, in the 1980s, says Stephanie Edenburgh, CEO of Bizzie Mommy. Dr. Sears recommended seven key principles with his approach to child rearing, which include: birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, belief in responding to baby’s cries, and is wary of any kind training, sleep or otherwise.1 Today’s koala parents are a loose interpretation of that parenting style.
“Much like a mama koala and their baby joey, koala parents prioritize closeness with their child, are incredibly nurturing, and are responsive to their child’s needs,” explains Lilit Ayrapetyan, PsyD, a clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles, California, specializing in maternal mental health.
This parenting philosophy is focused on building emotional security and closeness between you and your child, and is rooted in attachment theory, says Ayrapetyan. This means that koala parents are working to build healthy, secure attachments in their kids, which benefits them as they grow up.
“Research shows that highly responsive caregivers, especially during the formative years of a child’s life, help children build emotional regulation skills, healthier relationships later in life, better resilience, and more,” she says.
Characteristics of a Koala Parent
Koala parents generally have a close relationship with their children, and there tends to be a strong emotional connection between parent and child.
“[Koala parenting] promotes closeness, responsiveness, and presence—physically and emotionally—for the child, which many parents lean toward in contrast to more authoritarian routines,” says Edenburgh.
But that doesn’t mean those characteristics are set in stone–parents who want to embrace koala parenting can make it work for their personal family dynamic by following some loose guidelines.
For instance, not only do koala parents prioritize frequent physical affection like cuddling and hugs, there also is an abundance of emotional warmth. Here are some other characteristics that koala parents often display.
- Respond quickly to their baby’s cries: Like attachment parenting, koala parenting promotes the idea of responding to your baby’s cries and avoiding letting them cry it out.
- Demonstrate responsiveness: Koala parents are in touch with their child’s emotions and work quickly to meet their needs, says Ayrapetyan. Eventually, parents learn their baby’s communication style and intuitively understand what they need.
- Prioritize skin-to-skin contact: Right from birth, koala parents often have detailed birth plans that include skin-on-skin contact the moment after birth and breastfeeding as soon as possible, says Kristen Miller, director of education at Celebree School.
- Hold, hug, and cuddle often: Part of being a koala parent is being in close proximity to one another and frequently holding your child, hugging them, or cuddling with them.
- Wear their baby: Much like an actual koala, parents often wear their babies in a sling or other carrier, and will pick them up if they are crying or distressed.
- Sleep nearby: Koala parents sleep with their baby in the same room often up to 1 year old. This is in line with the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendation that babies sleep in the same room, but in their own bed for the first at least the first six months of life.2
- Offer gentle guidance: Once their child is older, koala parents tend to use more guidance and warm communication instead of strict forms of discipline, says Ayrapetyan. This can include making use of positive reinforcement and redirection.
“Koala parents also are successful at providing the scaffolding that children need while allowing their child to safely explore on their own,” says Ayrapetyan.
This parenting method helps build a sense of independence, while still prioritizing the closeness and bonding that comes with this parenting style.
Benefits of Koala Parenting
The biggest advantage to koala parenting is that it supports healthy emotional development and bonding between parent and child. While there is not a lot of specific research on koala parenting, some studies have found that building an attachment with your child from an early age is beneficial.
For instance, scientists have found that securely-attached kids tend to be more resilient and competent as adults while those without a secure attachment may have trouble getting along with others, tend to distrust people, and lack confidence.3
“Koala parents and their children typically have a strong emotional bond, where the child feels supported and cared for,” explains Ayrapetyan. “Koala kids also will often have strong emotional regulation and coping skills.”
Additionally, kids who are emotionally attached to their parents tend to have more advanced language skills and reduced stress levels later in life, adds Miller. “Proponents of koala parenting agree that this style of parenting [is] rooted in empathy, trust, and security.”
Downsides of Koala Parenting
While koala parenting can be beneficial, it also can be a physically and emotionally demanding approach to parenting. According to Ayrapetyan, it’s normal for parents to feel drained when they are always available to meet their child’s emotional needs and be so physically close at all times.
In fact, it’s not uncommon to feel touched out if your child is too clingy, she says. “It also can be hard to maintain this approach in busier households or in times of high-stress.” In those moments, parents should not feel guilty for trying out other methods like second best parenting when you need some relief.
Edenburgh says she has witnessed parents burning out because they feel there is no opportunity for a break or to tend to their own needs. Parents also can fall into the trap of trying to be the perfect parent and becoming discouraged when they cannot figure out what their baby needs or they have to split their time between other children or responsibilities outside of parenting.
Tips for Practicing Koala Parenting
Koala parenting is all about paying close attention to your child’s emotional signals and meeting them consistently with nurturing care—but that doesn’t mean that working parents can’t try out koala parenting; they just need to try out these tips when they do have one-on-one time with their kids.
“As far as my experiences go, [this results in] much better in emotional regulation, trust, and mental health,” Edenburgh says. “I have practiced it with my younger children during their preschool years and I personally think it formed a very strong base. The change in their communication style to express their needs was something I could feel.”
If you want to give koala parenting a try, or if you’re already practicing it, here are some expert tips to help you make the most of this parenting style.
- Create a birth plan: You can start koala parenting before your baby is even born. Miller suggests coming up with a birth plan so that you can begin your relationship with your child with skin to skin contact if that’s important to you. Also, decide if you want to breastfeed and share a room with your baby.
- Fit this style to your circumstances: You don’t have to copy the koala parenting style exactly, but instead adapt to fit your family’s needs, suggests Edenburgh. Also, if you have a partner make sure they support this type of parenting as well.
- Try to be emotionally present: Edenburgh says that while being physically there for your little one is important, you also need to be open to handling their big emotions, listening when they express themselves, teaching them how to emotionally regulate.
- Remember your needs too: While it is important to be there for your baby, you also need to refill your tank too, says Edenburgh. “A secure parent leads to a secure child.”
- Pay attention to signs of burnout: Exhaustion and feeling like you need some space are very real risks with this parenting style, says Miller. If you are starting to feel overwhelmed, make sure you take a break or get some alone time—which is of course dependent on having a strong support system around you.
- Recognize that you cannot be perfect: There will be days when you don’t understand why your child is upset, or you may feel too drained to respond to every request. Try not to feel like a failure—you’re doing your best!—and instead focus on bonding with your child with the pressure of trying to perfect.
- Help your child build their independence: The risk of koala parenting is having a child who’s overly dependent on you to meet their needs. Create a safe place to practice independence so that the inevitable detachment from you is not too difficult, suggests Miller.
- Avoid extremes when you can: Remember, koala parenting is not the same as lawnmower parenting or helicopter parenting. Yes, you want to be there for your kids, but you also have to allow them to make mistakes and try new things on their own.